


Can't Help It (I'm Falling In Love)

by orphan_account



Category: The Outsiders - All Media Types, The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton
Genre: Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Multi, Period-Typical Homophobia, also the underage isn't explicit steve just gets around, fluff with a touch of angst, im not tagging the rest of the gang bc they only show up for 3 lines at most, it's v steve centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:13:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21924214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “Hey, uh, Steve? You in there?” Soda rapped the magazine on Steve’s forehead before he snapped out of it.“Huh? Sorry, just admiring the view.” Steve only noticed what he said when Soda laughed.~Or the one where Steve Randle likes guys and is in denial. Sodapop Curtis is guys.
Relationships: Sodapop Curtis/Steve Randle, implied Darrel Curtis/Two-Bit Mathews, past Sodapop Curtis/Sandy
Comments: 8
Kudos: 101





	Can't Help It (I'm Falling In Love)

**Author's Note:**

> title inspired by Can't Help Falling In Love by Elvis

Sodapop Curtis groaned and fanned himself with a magazine. “It’s so hot in here. Why don’t they give us fans?” He leaned his head forward and hit it on the cash register.

Steve Randle laughed at his best friend. Soda stuck his tongue out at him and Steve grinned back at him before looking at the road outside the DX. It really was hot in there. Nobody was in the parking lot, probably all at some lake somewhere. They should go to a lake. It’d be nice to cool off. He just needed to convince Soda to go, though. He turned to his best friend and something in his brain short-circuited.

Soda looked a little fucking stunning. His blonde hair fell into his face a little, but grease held it back for the most part. His cheeks were red and blushy, and his little smile as they looked at each other was heart melting. His eyes sparkled like galaxies resided in them.

But Steve didn’t like Soda like that. He couldn’t even if he did. The gang would shun him for being a fairy, and Soda had broken up with the girl of his dreams only a few weeks ago. He couldn’t- no, didn’t- like Sodapop Curtis in that way. He just looked beautiful. Aesthetically, of course.

“Hey, uh, Steve? You in there?” Soda rapped the magazine on Steve’s forehead before he snapped out of it.

“Huh? Sorry, just admiring the view.” Steve only noticed what he said when Soda laughed.

“What view?” Sodapop rolled his eyes playfully before cocking an eyebrow like Two-Bit and leaning against the counter. He looked like a loser, and Steve pointed it out, too. “Hey, that’s mean,” Soda pouted. “Anyway, you’re the only view around here. I’m ugly.”

Steve snorted. “You’re the prettiest thing in this gas station that I’ve seen for a while.”

Soda’s ears turned a little red before firing back. “Well there haven’t been any customers all day, so HA.”

“A while ain’t the same as a day, Pepsi.”

“Whatever. I’m still ugly and stupid. Prolly why Sandy’s parents didn’t want...” Soda swallowed and took a breath.

“No no no, don’t say that,” Steve leaned across the counter to Sodapop. “You’re funny and handsome and by God the best person I’ve ever knew.”

Soda laughed bitterly and muttered a thanks before he started to count the money in the register. Steve knew that when Soda got quiet like this, there was no pushing him or he’d fall off the edge. He racked his brain for a joke or something to cheer Soda up and a realisation struck him.

He was talking to Soda like he did to those chicks that always came in here. He was flirting with a boy. Maybe it was wrong, but looking at Soda like that made him realise that this was how all girls probably saw him. It was terrifying.

“I’m still hot,” Sodapop muttered before fanning himself again.

“Damn right you are.” Steve winked while hating himself. Soda groaned while his face turned a little pink. Or maybe it was Steve’s imagination.

Steve went home that night. His dad screamed about how he hadn’t been home for days and how he needed to do everything himself. Steve half-listened to his rant before leaving and going to his room.

He plopped onto his bed and thought to himself as he heard his father storming out the front door. Why had he started flirting with Soda? It doesn’t- oh. That makes sense. He was only teasing Sodapop. It was like what Darry and Two-Bit always did, so clearly it’s all platonic. Who could love Two-Bit? Steve snorted and let his mind wander away from the flirting.

One day he’d move in with the Curtis'. He’d tell his dad to suck it and then he’d run. He’d crash on the couch and always pitch in and show Soda that yes I can bake something other than pot and Soda would laugh and kiss his cheek.

Maybe not the last part, but one day he and Soda would buy a house together and they’d have a dog named Mickey after Soda’s horse. All platonically, of course. Unless Soda wanted it to be more.

As much as he tried to shoot down the romantic thoughts, they just kept coming. Steve kept ending each thought with a “we’re just friends, though. Right?” By the time he fell asleep, he wasn’t sure he believed himself anymore.

* * *

Steve woke up and laid in his bed. The sun peeked through the window and a bird chirped outside. The blanket was wrapped around him like a cocoon. He was well rested and not stiff at all.

Steve was livid. Why did he, one of the toughest greasers around, have to be gay? Especially for one of the most attractive boys in Tulsa? Soda’d never settle for someone who looks and acts like _him_ , even if Soda digs guys.

Steve needed to cool off. Shoplift or something. He grabbed his leather jacket and slipped out the front door. His father was passed out drunk on the couch. Steve rolled his eyes at him and slammed the door. His dad didn’t flinch.

A few kids in Corvairs screamed, “GREASER!” at him but Steve didn’t care about remembering plate numbers to wreck right now. The nearest convenience store was right across from the lot, so he’d have to cut through. Worst case, he’d run into someone while he was mad and accidentally spend a while in jail. Steve didn’t think that the worst case would pan out, so he took the shortcut.

Unfortunately, there were people there.

“Hey! Steve!” Sodapop yelled. The rest of the gang was there and looking in his direction. “I’m down a player on my team, wanna play?”

Steve could only barely make out Soda’s features. His golden hair was stuck to his face and shiny with sweat. He was apparently on the skins team because he had no shirt on. Steve felt his neck get hot as he stared. _Stop it, homo_ , Steve thought to himself. Homo. That’s all he was. He was repulsive, and now he was mad. At himself, at the world, he didn’t care. He was just angry.

“Fine,” he yanked his jacket off, pulled his shirt over his head, and whipped them both to the ground. He cracked his neck and glared at the teams. Soda had Ponyboy on his team and the other team had Two-Bit, Darry, and Dally. Johnny sat on the side of the field watching them. With Dally and Darry on the other team, Soda and Ponyboy were pretty outnumbered. Steve huffed and lined up with his team.

“Why are you so mad?” Soda asked while Ponyboy moved in front of him. “Did something happen?”

“Clearly something happened, idiot. Focus on the game,” Steve snapped. He ignored Sodapop’s expression and sprinted down the field.

The two of them never fought. Ever. They didn’t need to, they agreed on almost everything. And if they were on the verge of fighting, they took a break and talked later. This seemed like an issue a break couldn’t fix. Soda didn’t want this to be the first time they actually had a fight. He chased after Steve.

“What the hell are you doing, Darry’s wide open!” Steve growled as soon as Sodapop caught up to him.

“What am I doing? What are you doing?”

“Playing football. Move.”

“No. Why are you being like this?”

“Like what?” Steve sprinted across the field and went to block Darry. Soda sprinted right after him.

“You’re being so mean to me. What gives?” Soda asked when Steve stopped in front of Darry.

“Holy shit, Soda, can’t someone just have a bad day?” Steve whirled on his heel and faced Soda. The football slammed into the back of his head and fell to the ground.

“Steve. What’s going on?” Darry demanded. Steve just rubbed his head and glared at him.

“Nothing. Let’s just play the damn game. I don’t need anyone else annoying the shit outta me like the dumb fucking dropout over here.” Steve turned his glare from Darry to Sodapop. Soda had tears at the corners of his eyes. His chest was rising and falling quickly. His throat bobbed when he swallowed back sobs and his lip wobbled dangerously.

Steve felt a wave of nausea and a legitimate pain in his chest. “Soda, I-” Soda just glared right back and ran away. The gang watched until he was out of sight.

“What the fuck, Steve?” Dally, who had been frozen in shock, yelled. He pushed Steve to the ground and stomped on his chest. “What the fucking fuck is your problem?”

Steve grunted in response.

“Fucking answer me. I’m about to kick your ass so hard, your shit’ll come out your nose.” Dallas picked Steve up off the ground by his shirt. Johnny was there suddenly.

“Put him down, Dal. He just needs to cool off.” Dallas dropped Steve and whipped around to face Johnny. Steve thought he’d blow up on him, but Dally sighed and jammed his hand in his jeans pockets.

“Wanna take a walk?” Johnny asked quietly. He hooked his hand in the crook of Dally’s elbow and led him out of the lot. As soon as they were gone, Two-Bit, Ponyboy, and Darry were there. Pony spoke first.

“What’s your problem with Sodapop, huh?” He sounded angry. He looked like he was trying to be intimidating, but he wasn’t doing it well.

Steve shrugged and stared at his shoes. “I don’t know. I’m just…”

“Just what, Randle?” Two-Bit interrupted. “What lets you make Soda cry?” Two-Bit was intimidating. Ponyboy should learn from him.

“I don’t know what’s going on anymore. I don’t understand anything. I’m pissed. Can I go now?” Steve spat. The three boys stared at Steve for a bit before Darry spoke up.

“I’ll walk you home.”

“I don’t need-”

Darry’s hard stare told Steve not to protest. He rolled his eyes and walked quickly out of the park. Darry caught up with him in no time.

* * *

Steve didn’t believe in God. He hadn’t since his mom left and he wasn’t gonna start now. But your best friend’s brother having a talk with you after you lashed out at him will make you pray. So Steve did.

He prayed to God if there was one, and gods and goddesses if they existed. He prayed to the gods of love and the goddesses of secrets. To the goddesses of love and the gods of secrets. He prayed for safety and not getting his teeth kicked in. Pray, pray, pray.

All this praying reminded Steve of when Johnny and Ponyboy invited Two-Bit, Soda and him to church. He punched Soda and shot spitballs at Two-Bit a bunch. Maybe even dropped a bible on them. He hoped that God wouldn’t be mad about that while he was asking Him to not let Darry bring up feelings.

Who even calls them feelings? That makes him sound like he’s in first grade. Speaking of first grade, he flashed back to playing with Soda in the sandbox.

They were building a sandcastle together. Granted, it wasn’t really a castle, so much a pile of sand. But they were so proud of it. Maybe that was the first time Steve realized the thing.

_A six-year-old Steve looked at Soda while they patted the sand. Soda’s tongue was peeking through his little lips. Steve found himself looking at Soda. He spoke his mind a lot when he was little._

_“You look pretty.” He said suddenly._

_Soda looked up confused. “Huh?”_

_“You’re cute. You know how the girls always say how I look cute,” Steve flexed his non-existent muscles. “You look cute like that.”_

_Soda’s face turned bright red. He mumbled something and focused harder on patting the dirt._

_“Whaddya say?”_

_“So… you love me?” Soda said a little louder._

_“Yeah!” Steve beamed. “Can I kiss you like your mommy and daddy do?” Soda shrugged and leaned forward and-_

“So, Steve, you got something you wanna share?” Darry interrupted his flashback.

“No.” Steve crossed his arms and kicked a rock.

They walked in silence for a little bit. Steve started to pray again.

He prayed that Darry wasn’t talking about what he thinks he’s talking about. He prayed he didn’t hurt Soda too bad. He prayed Dally, let alone the Shepards, wouldn’t come after him. Dally did seem pretty mad. His silence was interrupted once again.

“Y’know…” Darry took a breath. “I was in denial for a while too.”

“What are you talking about?” Steve glanced at the other.

“You and Soda remind me of me and Two-Bit.”

“Yeah. I don’t care-”

“Just let me talk. I think this might help you.” Darry pulled Steve into an alley. Steve nodded and avoided eye contact. There was a dumpster, graffiti, and no Socs, so it was probably a safe place to have this conversation.

“As I was saying, y’all remind me of me and Two-Bit. I got angry when I realised, too. But now we’re going great.”

“What are you saying, Darry?”

“Sodapop told me everything. He told me how he kissed your cheek in first grade, and outside the gym at your first school dance. You didn’t even want to look at him when he first got with Sandy. Hell, Sandy was a distraction from you. He just got attached.”

“Hey, I didn’t do nothing at no dance.” Steve didn’t even try to protest against the other stuff. He knew Darry was right. He just didn't want to admit it to himself and make it real.

“You were nearly blackout drunk and complained about how you were dying the next day. I remember. You almost overdosed on ibuprofen.”

Steve racked his brain and a hazy memory popped up.

_“Yo. Cola. I need a weed. I need to go outsiiiiide.” Steve poked his friend’s shoulder._

_“Uggghhh,” Soda groaned before getting up from the group of girls he was surrounded by. He kissed his then girlfriend and went with Steve._

_The two of them pushed their way out the gym door and into the hallway. Soda was stumbling a little. So was Steve. Loud music boomed behind them and Soda looped an arm around his friend’s shoulder._

_They made it outside and Soda giggled and leaned against a wall, dragging Steve with him. He was obviously drunk. It was probably Steve, he spiked the punch._

_“Heeeyyy Steve?” Soda grinned at him._

_“Mhm?” Steve hummed as he slumped against the wall. Must’ve had more punch than he thought. How many glasses did he have? One… three… seven..?_

_Soda dropped next to Steve and sat next to him. “Can I do something?” he asked._

_“Sure! Like what?” Soda leaned toward Steve and pressed their lips together. Steve wrapped his arms around Soda’s neck and kissed him harder. They broke apart as soon as they started to turn blue from not breathing._

_“That’s it. We can go back in. I don’t need a smoke.” The two boys grinned at each other._

Oh no. Oh no no no no no. He wasn't going to admit it to himself unless he had to. Now, it looked like he had to.

“Oh lordy, when he got home he wouldn’t shut up about that kiss. That was all we heard about until he passed out on the couch.” Darry let a smile turn the corner of his lip.

“Two-Bit got drunk and told me how he felt too. I let him try and the rest is history.”

“I thought y’all were just friends?”

“You thought kissing your best friend twice was a regular friendship.” Darry shot back.

“Yeah. I guess.” Steve took a deep breath. “I need some time to think. Also, I really pissed my dad off, and I might need to sleep on your couch.”

“You gotta apologise to Sodapop first,” Darry reminded him. Steve nodded and watched as Darry left.

* * *

Steve didn’t apologise. He needed time to… to… aw fuck it. He couldn’t handle being in a relationship with Sodapop Curtis. He couldn’t even handle the idea of liking Sodapop like that. So he did what he normally did when he felt like shit.

Hook up with broads.

He hot-wired some Mustang on the side of the street as soon as he was sure Darry left and made his way around town.

He met some chicks walking to the corner store. They giggled and licked their gloss-covered lips and flirted back to him. He had one in no time.

It was a hot blonde girl with dark eyes and lips so red they were on fire. She was wearing a jean skirt and fishnets and a black crop-top. She had a kind smile and eyes that shone like stars.

Steve drove them to an abandoned parking lot and they climbed into the backseat. The girl wasn’t hard to lust after. She was really good at this stuff, but it was hard not to pretend she was Soda. Eventually, Steve stopped trying to resist.

The girl and Soda looked pretty similar, anyway. He imagined sloppily kissing him while whispering sweet nothings in his ear. He imagined Soda’s golden hair matted across his forehead, handsome even when he’s trying hard not to cry out. And how Soda would whimper his name, and Steve would tell him how good he did.

And Steve knew that this girl was in no way Sodapop, and that nobody could mend the Soda-shaped hole in his heart, that didn’t stop him from moaning his name.

“Why the hell are you moaning for a drink?” she demanded as she pulled her clothes back on. “I told you my name’s Tina.”

Steve couldn’t even respond. He muttered an apology and an excuse about how he was thirsty and drove her back to town. That just made things worse for Steve. He still felt like shit. He needed to talk to somebody else about how he was feeling.

He drove the car to the Curtis’ place. Steve contemplated knocking on their door, but the gang was probably still pissed at him and he didn’t want to apologise to Sodapop in front of a bunch of people. He needed to wait out the company.

...or not. Soda’s window might be open. He could just climb in there like a dude in some crappy romance movie. Not that he watched those.

Steve got out of his car, careful not to slam the door, and went around the side of the Curtis house. He ducked under windows in case somebody could see him until he made it to Soda and Ponyboy’s room.

Steve popped his head up a little to see Sodapop curled in a ball facing the window. Perfect. He tapped on the glass. Sodapop made eye contact and turned away from him.

* * *

Steve knew the Curtis' never locked their windows so he put his palms on the glass and slid it open. “Soda? Can I come in?”

“Go away.” Soda pulled the blanket over his head.

“Please? I need to talk to you. If you’re still angry at my by the end of it you’ll never have to see me again. I’ll move to New Jersey or something.”

Soda sighed and pulled the blanket down from over his head. “Yeah, get in here. Make one wrong move, though, and I'll get Darry.”

Steve slipped through the window with ease.

“So why are you here? Come to get angry at me again? To make me cry and regret our friendship?” Sodapop spread out on the bed before sitting bolt upright and making intense eye contact with Steve.

Steve was sitting on the bed, his legs hanging off. Steve never realised how pretty Soda’s eyes were. They were a dark brown with a ring of navy blue around the outside. The light from outside glinted off of them. They were mesmerising.

“Hello? Randle?” Soda hit him on the forehead with the flat of his palm. “You gonna answer?”

“Sorry. I got lost in your eyes.” Steve blurted out.

“Yeah, well, figured you didn’t mean anything yesterday because of how you treated me like garbage earlier.” Soda smiled bitterly.

“I’m sorry, Pepsi-Cola. I didn’t mean to yell. My dad just kicked me out again, and I’m not having a good day.”

“Well I’m not either. Bye. Have fun in Jersey.”

Steve balled his hands into fists and furrowed his brow.

“What’re you gonna do now, hit me? Go ahead. You hurt me enough anyway.” Soda’s beautiful eyes started to fill with tears. Steve just sighed and untensed.

“How do you feel about me, Soda?”

“What?”

“You heard me. How do you feel about me?”

“I think you’re a selfish jerk who only looks after himself,” Sodapop snapped.

Steve got up to leave through the window. He didn’t face Sodapop.

“I’d think that too, to be honest.” His voice was uncharacteristically small. “But it’s kinda hard learning you like your best friend as more than a friend. It’s harder if you’ve been loving him since grade school. A-and learning that his most committed relationship was just a distraction for him to get over liking guys-”

“It’s harder when you actually fall for her,” Soda added quietly. “It’s horrible when you learn that she cheated and had a kid with somebody else. And you keep asking yourself, did she find out? Did she find out that I’m disgusting for liking men like that? And asking yourself every day, can anybody love you like she did?”

“You’re not disgusting, Soda, and I love you more than she ever could.” Steve whispered. He climbed out the window.

“Wait,” Soda called. He jumped up from the bed while Steve turned around.

Steve and Soda both had tears in their eyes, even though crying was weak. Greasers didn’t cry, but neither of them cared right now. Soda leaned out the window while Steve leaned in. Their lips met in the middle.

The kiss was electrifying. It was intoxicating. It was what Steve hoped for and more. Kissing Soda was the best kiss he ever had. It felt like fire, but in a good way. Steve brought up his arms and let them rest on Soda’s neck, his thumbs going over his cheeks. The kiss felt like it lasted hours instead of seconds.

As they pulled away they grinned at each other. They leaned in for another before someone shouted.

“DARRY! They’re kissing in my room!” Ponyboy suddenly yelled from Soda’s doorway.

“Excuse me, love of my life,” Soda smiled and pecked Steve's lips before turning and chasing Ponyboy out of their room.

 _Dammit_ , Steve Randle sighed. _I might not believe in God, but Sodapop Curtis must be an angel_ , he thought as he climbed back in the window.


End file.
